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Letters To a daughter

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Dear daughter

I realized that no matter how good an advice I give you, it will take you around two and a half decades to appreciate it. Your dad will be your hero. His words will matter more to you, no matter how shallow they are.
I am not complaining. I chose a father for you whose words and intentions I blindly trust. Besides, I did the same to your grandmother. So I have earned it I guess.
Then why am I writing this letter? Because letters are forever, and so would be my love for you. (And I read another letter written by a friend to his daughter. Let me tell you, worship them all you want but fathers just can not convey it that well. Remember their love, warmth and the freedom they give you, cherish all the times he will fight with me to take your side. But then, some things are better left to mothers. )
I know all my intentions to be a cool mum will go down the drain. The side effect of love is fear. Fear of losing the loved one, fear of getting them hurt. And this fear takes a toll at times. Remember the time your dad shouted at me when I burnt my hand while cooking? It was not about me. He was angry that he could not do anything about it. Our love finds strange ways to vent out the helplessness we feel at times. Not that it justifies our behavior, but that is the pattern. So my love, forgive me for being unreasonable and scared at times. Because I have never loved anyone this much. They don’t send babies with user manuals. Life’s biggest blessings test your patience the most. And you, my precious, are the best blessing I could have ever asked for.

We will talk, a lot. I intend to be your best friend, the way your grandmother is mine. I also expect you to be my friend in return, the way I am to your grandmother. And we will reach there. There might be many fights and misunderstandings during this journey. During that rough patch, I want you to remember, that I loved you even before you were born. And I will love you even after I die. And I will try to remember, all this while, how much I loved my mother after this phase passed for us. Because at times, when I will be tough on you, (yes darling, I don’t think I can help it.) I will need the assurance that you won’t hate me forever.

So this letter and all the others to come will be our world; yours and mine, to share. Someday I will be gone. Not that I won’t love you then. Not that you will forget me. But we will need each other until the finish line. We will be each others anchors and wings. At fourteen, you will find the contradiction in my sentence. At 24, you will start to understand it. And once you do, you will appreciate it for the rest of your life.

So this is to the friendship of a lifetime and beyond. Even if not today, may someday you be as excited about it as I am.

Love,
Mumma

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