How not to apologise

 Apparently, I have read enough of self help articles on the click bait websites. The side effect is I am talking in points and oozing wisdom. Before this gets irritating and someone smacks me back to my senses, I should impart some of this wisdom to the world. I am a kind soul after all! This is one of those ten perks of being Indian. Other include good food and dazzling clothes. I wish I could help you with that but since I don’t have time for elaborate cooking and being a minimalist, my wardrobe isn’t overflowing with abundant useless stuff, wisdom and kindness is what you get here! So, how not to apologise?

1.      You are not entitled to an apology! The earth was here first, remember? You honestly didn’t think you can march in and demand something you are yet to earn. This is the real world, unfortunately, most of the times and words have some real impact here. In fact, I would like to extend this philosophy to other aspects of life. If you haven’t earned it yet, you are not entitled to it. Simple as that!

2.      You might have to eat your words so put just enough spice in there for you to handle. Now, I understand the spur of moment talks, flaring tempers, ego at their boiling points and all the mushy stuff. Guess what, most of the relationships are not strong enough to survive these jolts. ‘Giving it back’ was not the aim of this conversation. If it was, why are you still reading this article?

3.      Give it some time. This must be the most repeated phrase in the world. If not, it should immediately become one. There aren’t many things time can’t heal. Most of the instant fixes suck anyway. Take your coffee for example. And if you like that instant coffee, I don’t really have much to say, my friend.

4.      Not everyone functions in the same way. ‘Talking it out’ might be a good strategy for few people. Others might have a different style of communication. All of us were not cut from the same cloth. Respect their style and communicate accordingly.

5.      Extending that further, respect your boundaries. Remember that a hurt person will be more protective of themselves. If they feel you are being pushy they will retract from the conversation. After that the channel of communication gets closed.

6.      Last and certainly not the least, apologise sincerely. Half-hearted apology, being compliant to the procedure apology, and the most common one ‘since I am the bigger person here’ apology – they are a dime a dozen. Just like any other thing in abundance, they are of no value. If you don’t mean it, you don’t say it. It can’t get any simpler than that.

And when you are done learning this stuff, go practice it on someone you really want back in your life. Forgiveness is a gift which when given makes one richer. So, by getting that you are doing the giver a favour. Just don’t let this haughtiness get into your head yet. Not before you get what you seek. After all, timing is the key to everything.