Skip to main content

How not to apologise


 Apparently, I have read enough of self help articles on the click bait websites. The side effect is I am talking in points and oozing wisdom. Before this gets irritating and someone smacks me back to my senses, I should impart some of this wisdom to the world. I am a kind soul after all! This is one of those ten perks of being Indian. Other include good food and dazzling clothes. I wish I could help you with that but since I don’t have time for elaborate cooking and being a minimalist, my wardrobe isn’t overflowing with abundant useless stuff, wisdom and kindness is what you get here! So, how not to apologise?

1.      You are not entitled to an apology! The earth was here first, remember? You honestly didn’t think you can march in and demand something you are yet to earn. This is the real world, unfortunately, most of the times and words have some real impact here. In fact, I would like to extend this philosophy to other aspects of life. If you haven’t earned it yet, you are not entitled to it. Simple as that!

2.      You might have to eat your words so put just enough spice in there for you to handle. Now, I understand the spur of moment talks, flaring tempers, ego at their boiling points and all the mushy stuff. Guess what, most of the relationships are not strong enough to survive these jolts. ‘Giving it back’ was not the aim of this conversation. If it was, why are you still reading this article?

3.      Give it some time. This must be the most repeated phrase in the world. If not, it should immediately become one. There aren’t many things time can’t heal. Most of the instant fixes suck anyway. Take your coffee for example. And if you like that instant coffee, I don’t really have much to say, my friend.

4.      Not everyone functions in the same way. ‘Talking it out’ might be a good strategy for few people. Others might have a different style of communication. All of us were not cut from the same cloth. Respect their style and communicate accordingly.

5.      Extending that further, respect your boundaries. Remember that a hurt person will be more protective of themselves. If they feel you are being pushy they will retract from the conversation. After that the channel of communication gets closed.

6.      Last and certainly not the least, apologise sincerely. Half-hearted apology, being compliant to the procedure apology, and the most common one ‘since I am the bigger person here’ apology – they are a dime a dozen. Just like any other thing in abundance, they are of no value. If you don’t mean it, you don’t say it. It can’t get any simpler than that.

And when you are done learning this stuff, go practice it on someone you really want back in your life. Forgiveness is a gift which when given makes one richer. So, by getting that you are doing the giver a favour. Just don’t let this haughtiness get into your head yet. Not before you get what you seek. After all, timing is the key to everything.


Comments

  1. "Respect" love your style of writing Shwets......

    ReplyDelete
  2. Loved reading it ! Meaningful with added quirkiness :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Textures of an old soul

In 2008, I was in Sacramento, California. As excited as possible for a boring 22 year old nerd to be, I went exploring the city on my own. I asked my cab driver if the old Sacramento town was worth the time and money spent considering it was far from the uni. The cab driver, as all cab drivers do, started talking and to cut the long story short, on knowing I come from India exclaimed, “You come from Jodhpur you say? Why are YOU visiting old town? It is not even that old by your standard! Don’t you come from a city 1000 years old?” It filled my heart with joy and pride that he knew about my city and knew it so well. And I remember this story every time I visit my hometown. I always wanted to visit all those monuments back and relive my childhood memories. There never was enough time! Or let me say I never ran out of excuses. Since I have always stayed in boarding school and hostels, this place had always been the place you go back to with tired, worn down spirit. It has some heal...

Expecto Patronum

Something I know the HP fans will understand instantly. For others, there is a simple explanation. In life we all go through tough times. Some unavoidable, some self-created but we have them nonetheless. And as the cliché goes, you can either sing through the rain or get sodden and cranky. Not sure if that is how the saying goes but you get the picture! And in order to sing through the rain you need a happy thought in your head because let’s be honest! Getting drenched can get uncomfortable as soon as your socks and underpants get wet. That happy thought of yours is a Patronus. Some of us are better in retaining that thought than others. Understandably it is difficult to remember and relive a moment that happened long ago. However intense it was, one moment is probably not enough. That is why you need a Patronus every day! Set your mind on an otherwise insignificant but beautiful moment and try to carry that feeling with you for an entire day, at least for some time. You can’t c...

A feminist's half life

A friend messaged asking if I appreciate dark humour. I didn’t know what to say. That is the thing about turning middle aged without being prepared for it. I do not know how I feel about the things I previously appreciated. Other day I realised many of the FRIENDS jokes are bit offending. The character portrayal is a little messed up too. And I am someone who can talk FRIENDS. Amongst all this philosophy about age and humour, I messaged back saying I appreciate it if it isn’t too gruesome. In return I received a joke on feminism. From equality to women empowerment to feminism, the movement has always been laughed at and ridiculed. From witch burning to outright opposition and now ‘innocent’ jokes, we have certainly come quite far. And there are people who think we have crossed the line and littered away. You would think that this would come from men. Not entirely true. I am a financially independent woman who was privileged to be born in a family which has common sense. Th...