Being human!

You can be the most practical person around who counts their chicken before they hatch or the most calculative one who foresees the pros and cons of everything they get into. You can be the strongest one who takes responsibility for all your decisions and bear the brunt of everything with your shoulder high and chin up. Trust me, none of this works when you fall in love.

Suddenly earth seems to be a better place to be on. People around you make no difference to your life how so ever stupid they might be (and these are the people who made your life miserable before the miracle happened!). Karan johar was not wrong when he said that the world looks quite colourful when you are in love. He just made it too literal in his movies though! 

There comes a stage when your madness crosses all the limits possible and you decide to give up everything just to be with the “perfect partner” (or the “right one”, as they diplomatically call it). You give up everything you had hard earned. I am not talking about how expensive Indian weddings are in this blog. I just mean career and dreams. 

After that stage passes, your blind love suddenly start finding the power to see things it conveniently ignored before. Life is no longer a fairy tale. It’s back to the normal pedestrian.  And the reality of life is not quite colourful. And why should it be? You are just two normal persons trying to act like one. You see how difficult it is? If not, get married! You would know what exactly I mean! Suddenly you have two egos, two self respects, two opinions, two mood swings at one time to handle. In short when your happiness multiplies, along with it your difficulties double folds too. 

Initially you are ready to do everything, be everything else. But as time passes, you see the worthlessness of this so called adjustment. In the process of adjusting, you turn into something strange. You were unique at the first place. Now you aspired to be something you were not and ended up somewhere in between the two. It’s difficult to go back to the starting point and it’s equally frustrating to carry on like this. You even go back in your thoughts to the point where you might have called one or two friends of your over ambitious when they refused to compromise with their freedom or independence. They sounded bitchy to you then, they sound reasonable to you now.

I am sorry if I scared few unmarried friends of mine. There is another facet of it, which has been untouched so far. Of course, if it is so problematic, why am I still into it? Being an educated, dependent woman I could have walked out of it just the way I hear lot of my acquaintances doing. I have all it takes a woman to be and feel strong. I know if I have reasonable grounds, even my parents and family will support me. So the question still remains the same. Why marriage? If it is so painful and frustrating, why am I into it?

The answer is very simple. In marriage and in life you learn that there is always a better tomorrow. One moment your world might look like it has crashed and you have nowhere to go. All your hopes seem to be dying. But you turn back, and you see that your pain is hurting someone else, much more than it does to you. When you thought things have gone bad and you gave up hopes and started cursing your decisions, the other person was trying to make it work. When you were busy wiping your tears, you ignored the hand which the other person had stretched to comfort you. 

May be I went too far. Things have not been that bad for me. I know that I might be dealing with two enormous self respects at the same point, but the other person is doing the same thing. When I adjusted and carved my place into his life, he very much made that space available for me. It was not just I, never just I, “we” made this journey together. Generally, we conveniently miss out the efforts put in by others when we are busy dealing with the sea changes our life is going through. How easy it would have been for him to get out of his comfort zone and take responsibility for my life? I had to think n number of times before getting a cat as a pet. At the end, I could not muster up the courage to get one. I was not ready to take responsibility. He stepped up and took charge of making me “Mrs Rai”. He knew what he was dealing with. I had never been an easy person to be with! He embraced all my shortcomings and to the world, he showed me as a mature responsible person. When I heard about his “reviews” about me, I felt a halo on head. Don’t take me wrong I am not a devil but I am not exactly the angel he made me look like!

As I always say, I am a very selfish person. I am not staying in this marriage because he is good. I am here because I need him. How so ever strong I might be, I would always need him on my side, to scrutinise every step of mine. I might have the courage to fly, but I know I need an anchor and he is mine. In the journey to find a life partner I found a soul mate. Trust me when I say this, but I quite never expected it! I know he would never be able to tell me how much I hurt him when I say silly things. But he understands how hurt I might be when I say them anyways. If love is something absolute, I am afraid I am not in love. Not yet! Every day I love him a little more. May be one day, I would claim that this-is-it! One cannot be loved beyond this line. Honestly, I doubt that! So maybe I won’t be able to claim that I love him in this life time. No, I am not complaining! I am happy with what I have. 

Even if it took me more than thousand words to express it, the message is very short! Marriage is not about what you get out of it. It is more about what you bring into it. The more you bring, the more you get. So it is up to you to bring the positivity and see it multiply. Remember, at the end of it, we are all human!