Open letter to Anushka Sharma

An open letter is not my idea of conversation. Since we do not meet every Saturday, sip a martini or whatever your poison is, and talk heart to heart, open letter it has to be. I hope someday it will reach you. I hope at least it reaches to someone, not yet at the top of her game but making her way towards. Because someday she will make a choice. A choice which can make a difference. In the era of social media taking over the mainstream one, I can afford to be this ambitious.

Another Salman movie, another addition to the crore club, another flick I will not watch. There is nothing unusual about the situation. Why would not I watch it, you ask? Well, last time I liked someone with a foot in mouth condition, it was Jennifer Lawrence. Also, she talked about food and embarrassing tales of her childhood.

But this is not about him. It never was. He cannot make me put my lazy pen to paper. You did. I have not seen the movie. Not even at the risk of being unable to support my arguments based on it. Sometimes not succumbing to occupational hazard is a way to love yourself.

Heard about your role, read the praise/ criticism which came your way. But it was not until I read your tweet. Look, I completely understand you have to take roles which might not be great but guarantee to usher you in the crore club. We all make choices (pun intended) like that. There is nothing unusual about it. On the other hand, there was another choice you could have made. Not to defend yourself. Because you should not need to. Also, because it is better to let people wonder if you are smart. You know how the rest of the saying goes.

You said something about making a choice and being free to make that choice. Trust me I have enough role models for that. My own mother chose motherhood over her career. Many women I know have done the same, by leaving the career path altogether or weaving their career according to the needs of their family. I do not need a movie star to tell me the same. There is nothing wrong in this way of life. Motherhood is the greatest feeling, hands down. But you know something which is even greater? Knowing that you are more than a mother and a wife. As a human being, your contribution to society is more than raising kids. My mother was a school teacher. A few days back, I met one of her students on Facebook. My mom had taught this girl around twenty years back. She was in primary school and she must have had lot many teachers in her life afterward. What makes her track my mother down on social media and later link me to her (my mother being on Facebook is as much of a formality as having a President in India), just to make sure ‘maam' knows she still remembers her? According to her, my mom treated her with respect. Not something every teacher does.
Now imagine if my mother could continue being a teacher. She could have touched many more lives, she could have evolved herself more, and she could have been more than Mrs. Sharma. She says she does not regret it. I am not sure I feel the same.

I got my meals hot, bed made and a good scolding for coming home late. I realize the value of it all. Now more than ever when I am on my own. But do you know what happened when I got married and moved away from her? She got into depression for months. Technically I was away the whole time for my education and career. But still, her sense of losing me was so grand that she, the strong woman as I know her, succumbed. You know what I would give away for her to really feel content? Her time which I and my brothers claimed as ours all those years.
I have an Aunt. She was criticized much for being adamant to be more than a mom. She got a job in a different city, did not back out and raised her kids on her own. Eventually, they got settled in one town, both partners getting their respective jobs there and raising two wonderful daughters. Nothing anyone said has made her any less of a mother.

I can go on about how women in our society have to choose between family and career. But I am sure you have got my point. And honestly, there is not much to choose from. One will be judged. To put the family on a second pedestal by being a working mom, to not follow her dreams and be just a ‘housewife' for those who ‘chose' to do so. And in numerous other ways. We probably do not need more role models ‘choosing' family over ourselves. We have had that for centuries. Even a Jane Austen character did more than that. Most of her antagonists had more guts for the period they belonged to. 

What we need as role models are; a husband who supports his wife's choices, mothers in law who play an important role in career progression, a boy who competes with and celebrates women and not puts her down, a girl who can support other girls and not be judgemental. Our society still does not have enough of those.
Also, someone who has a chance to do something for the country. I would love to see her going out there against all odd. Do you know how many girls have to give up their sports career because they don't have enough resources and/or support? 

Now, you certainly cannot play all of these roles. But you choose a script. And you can choose what message it sends out. There is a reason it took many years for feminism to become a thing, but in a blink, it became something maligned. One of them is, we put ourselves down.
When I have a daughter I do not want her to relate to feminism and freedom just by her choice of clothing and sex. I am past the "my choice" phase. I want her to choose many other things, things more substantial. And I want her to get a partner who is well raised to understand this. I want her to be a part of a family which celebrates her success as well. I cannot do it all on my own.
Fortunately, (or not), you have the power to impact more people than I might ever have. And all that they say about more power, more responsibility is not a cliché.

So my dear, ‘chose' wisely.