Letter to a self-proclaimed leader

 

Hi Sir,

It’s funny how I have to call you sir now, to keep you anonymous. Due to the company’s culture and the influence of western work ethics on me I always addressed you by your first name. When I did, that is.

You are a Stanford MBA, working in a MNC at a very high position, as crisp dressed as your likes should be. Everything that makes you ‘successful’, everything that can make you neighbour’s envy, owner’s pride. You are used to people listening to you, youngsters looking up to you and your juniors asking for your advice. You must know what responsibility feels like. Or do you?

I vividly remember when I met you for the first time. Being in the same company, I had asked for an introduction to some legal recruiter in Australia. I was moving countries; I was digitally exploring the market. In case you thought I was asking for much, when one sends a request to connect on LinkedIn it asks to confirm if they ask that person. I used to think LinkedIn checks it against your profile if you say you have worked together (apparently, they don’t) so I didn’t lie. And I could not send a request if I declared I didn’t know that person (and who said honesty works!). So I got an option to ask you to introduce me to that person. And that is what I did.

I almost forgot about it. And then you pinged on Lync, asking me why I want to be introduced to that person. I was not sure how I felt about it. Having worked globally, not many things surprise me. Management reaching down to middle tier employees was not unheard of for me.  I explained, you offered advice and asked me to fix a meeting with you for discussing the possibilities of my transfer to the Sydney branch. So I did that.

Something you do not know, I went around and asked a senior if this meeting would be of any help at all. He being the good person that he is did not say anything against you (you have a reputation for being a swollen head, thought you should know) but told me to go ahead as even if the meeting was fruitless, I didn’t have anything to lose after all. How wrong he was!

I stepped into the room for that meeting. You were 20 minutes late. You did not apologies, just mentioned that the previous meeting dragged longer than anticipated. No sorry for wasting 20 minutes of my time! They were right; you were a swollen head after all. I wish this was my real complaint though.  

You asked me to explain the ‘situation’ again. I did. And it is simple, my husband and I planned to move to Australia. He shifted base first, found a job and settled things for me. Meanwhile I held the fort back home and now was making the big move in two months’ time. I was looking for a job, probably a career change too. And I was looking for references. Not guidance from you, just references.

But you did not understand it. Not the scenario, not the purpose of my being there. You asked me “what is it I really want from life”. Who were you again? A hierarchical senior who was supposed to give me a reference to use. That is what I though. You looked at yourself as mentor, a coach, a life guru. You had started to fail miserably. You had the audacity to ask me if my husband can support me! When I tried dodging that question, you became ‘direct’. Your words were “tell me Shweta, if your husband can financially support you or not?” Did they not teach in B school the concept of public and private? I was a bit adamant. Yes my husband could support me by all means, but it was not about that. For around 7-8 minutes I kept saying it was not about my husband. It was about my ambitions, my financial independence. How hard was that to understand Sir? I was so disgusted and angry that my eyes were moist. And in that moment I gave up on you. You simply failed, as a leader and as a person for me. I said yes my husband could support me. You had the joy of victory in your eyes. Next you gave me a marriage advice. You told me to “talk to your husband; communicate more with him and to know what he wants. Shop less, spend wisely. That way you can still be financially independent.” Would you have said the same if it was a male colleague of mine asking for a reference?

You went on with a monologue about how great your marriage was, how efficiently you had shifted base with kids, and how successful you were. I listened to you with a smirk, which you probably mistook for a smile. I sarcastically said that “I will talk to my husband and figure out what I want from life”. I was not surprised that you could not sense the sarcasm. How could you? For past 25 minutes you had been so self-absorbed you had hardly noticed what I was there for or how I felt.

 

That day I walked out of your office disgusted. You still were a mediaeval man clothed in a decently priced suit. Along with it you were a self-obsessed another brick in the wall MBA. You are not a leader. It was high time someone told you this. I have had mentors at the same position you acquired at that time, and let me tell you something. Leaders don’t pry upon someone’s personal life. They listen and advise, not just rant about their own life. Leaders don’t have the pressure of being superior. They value everyone’s time. Leaders do not pretend to be a life expert while handing out out-dated chauvinist advices.

 

P.S. I witnessed you flirting with an intern who was highly uninterested. And then again, I witnessed her trying to make an escape when you approached. I took personal interest in ensuring she was out of your claws that evening! Some sadistic pleasures are totally worth it. And about your great marriage, Atta boy!